Summer time is here! The out of offices are on, children count down the days until school ends and holidays begin. There’s a general vibe that it’s time to relax and normal service will resume in September. And this is all well, if you’re one of the many yearning for a break. But it’s not so good if your therapist goes on holiday and you feel abandoned, lonely and bereft.
It can be destabilising if you’ve come to cherish your weekly sessions and then they stop. Clients often report feeling adrift, anchorless and increasingly anxious over this period. To compound the situation, many other social groups, and community clubs take a summer hiatus and friends scatter in search of sunnier climes. It can feel like a massive exodus resulting in six weeks of limbo and loneliness.
So, if you’re contemplating the long, hot weeks ahead and mostly feeling a sense of panic, then here are some thoughts you may find useful.
Most of the change in counselling happens outside the room
Although the exploring, analysing and discussing happens within the counselling room, the actual gaining of insight and experience happens beyond those four walls. Rather than thinking of the six weeks away from your counsellor as an unfortunate break, it’s actually more like consolidating and applying the behaviour changes you’ve discussed in the outside world.
It’s not until we have a real life situation, that challenges and tests our intentions, that we can see how well they stand up beyond the counselling room. So whether it’s getting more comfortable with confrontation, or lessening your alcohol intake – now is the time to turn the theoretical into practical and see how it goes.
Become aware of what comes up for you when you’re alone
If your therapist goes on holiday and you feel abandoned, then ask yourself what could be coming up for you. Is the experience of being left by someone you trusted bringing up familiar feelings? Do you find it really hard to practice good self-care when there’s no one to remind you you’re worth it? Sitting with these hard feelings, rather than running away or distracting yourself with work can really be beneficial in the long term. Any insight that you gain during this period can be brought in to counselling after the holidays and examined there.
Make your peace with loneliness
You’ve no doubt heard it before, but it’s true: We’re born alone and we die alone. And even if you find the person of your dreams one of you will die first. So, if your therapist goes on holiday and you feel abandoned then this is natural. But if you can learn to manage time alone, and even feelings of loneliness, then it’s a life hack that will come in useful everywhere.
Throughout the summer, instead of being overwhelmed or beaten by your loneliness, see if you can master it. Many people start with a fear of being alone and then find they absolutely love it. The freedom to make their own decisions, do exactly as they please, and not have anyone to answer too. And even if you never get to the point of relishing solitude, you can learn how to manage it. It’s valuable to know how much me time is optimum for you, and how much tips you over into rumination or anxiety. And then to be able to seek the connection and communities that nourish you.
Are you looking forward to the summer? If you want to share ways to manage seasonal limbo, then I’d love to hear it. Just comment below.