I attended my mandatory Mental Health Awareness Training yesterday, it’s part of my counselling role at Mind in Mid Herts. The course needs to be completed every two years and, If I’m honest, as I turned up with my coffee and notepad, in hand I wasn’t brimming with enthusiasm. As a fully qualified counsellor, I … Read more
For me, September always has that new school feeling. It’s a fresh start. A chance to have a re-set and then a hard and fast sprint towards the Christmas holidays. I also find it a wonderful time to focus on achieving goals. Especially, since after the summer break I usually have the enthusiasm and energy … Read more
Have you ever let yourself down so badly that you don’t just feel disappointed, but betrayed by yourself? And even years later when you think about the memory, it makes you feel a bit hot and very nauseous. If so, it sounds like you may already know a bit about self-betrayal and how it impacts … Read more
We’re three weeks into the summer holidays now, and I guess some of us are ready to take our rose tinted sunglasses off. How have you been finding the summer holiday experience. Have you frolicked through fields of flowers and felt amazed at how lucky you are? And then just as quickly found yourself feeling … Read more
Do you ever feel as though your walking through treacle? That life has suddenly slowed to a lethargic pace? No one’s getting back to your calls, or emails, and it feels like there’s no progress in life. In fact, even those things that once brought you pleasure no longer do. I think of this as … Read more
Over the years I’ve been specialising in low self-esteem, and the many hundreds of clients I’ve worked with, there is occasionally a feeling that high self-esteem is not essential, but a nice to have. That you can do just fine in life, while living with low self-esteem. But it will be a little less comfortable … Read more
Summer time is here! The out of offices are on, children count down the days until school ends and holidays begin. There’s a general vibe that it’s time to relax and normal service will resume in September. And this is all well, if you’re one of the many yearning for a break. But it’s not … Read more
I know it’s dull, but it’s necessary to start the book review of Joan Didion Notes to John with some background information. Otherwise the title is more likely to confuse than clarify. As you probably know Joan Didion was an American writer, whose sparse and incisive style, was much sought after. Her husband was John … Read more
Hands up all those who identify as people pleasers? Those who are super easy to get along with, always good fun, perpetually on form and eager to avoid confrontation at all costs. Generally your pleasant ways and easy nature are enough to win and sustain a close circle of friends. Which is lovely. But what’s … Read more
We’ve all been there, and experienced the dark and dirty thrill of the hate follow. Finding your frenemy’s account on Facebook or Insta, feeling a surge of adrenaline as you furtively settle down to see what’s new. A-ha, she’s sipping coffee in the sunshine! But is that Spain, or Scotland? How’s she looking? Are her … Read more
Do you ever get that feeling that your life is on hold? As if you’ve been standing in the same place for years? And how do you manage your self-esteem when you feel stuck? When all around you, is constant forward motion – friends switching up their careers, moving houses, having babies, starting business. But … Read more
The Kitchen Shrink, by Dr Andrea Oskis, is a sumptuous and satisfying book. Oskis, a psychologist and award winning cook, takes her two favourite subjects and skillfully blends them to serve up a treat. In each chapter Dr Oskis recounts her work with a different counselling client, looking specifically at the role of food and … Read more
Pop star Jessie J, has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. She’s informed her fans she’s going to ‘disappear’ for a while, to begin her recovery. To be human is to have a body that sometimes lets us down. We are all fallible. From the relatively minor disappointment of being unable to breastfeed, to the … Read more
Orthorexia, the interest in healthful eating that ironically diverts into an unhealthy obsession, has gained greater attention in recent years. Possibly, in part, due to the Instagram influencers. All those ‘wellbeing experts’ who advise on optimum nutrition, while having little in the way of official qualifications. And, also sadly, due to some tragic cases where … Read more
I’m giving my site a refresh soon, so I’ve begun the process of reading over old blogs and deciding what stays and what goes. And I was struck by how I’ve, mistakenly, given the impression that I’m excellent at managing my own emotions. Which is just not true. A lot of these blogs centre on … Read more
Are you therapy curious? Undecided whether you want to commit to counselling, but intrigued enough to want to know more? Or do you intuitively know you need it, but the myth of the glacial, psychoanalyst from Woody Allen films has given you cold feet? What goes on in the counselling room can feel intensely mysterious, … Read more
The research around self-esteem is plentiful. Here’s what we know…self esteem is improved by regular exercise, and setting and achieving goals. Also, by using self-compassion, and forming strong, genuine connections with those around you. But what’s missing from this list is knowing exactly what works for you. The guidelines are good, but they’re never going … Read more
World Mental Health Awareness Week is coming (12th-18th May 2025). And we’ll all be wearing blue, and looking for Insta opportunities to show our support. Because mental health is undoubtedly, and undeniably very important. But World Mental Health Awareness Week leaves me luke warm, at best. And I make no secret of this. While I’m … Read more
Self care is lauded as the panacea to all ills. Set your boundaries, take a rest and do what brings you joy. It all sounds so sensible and easy. So what are the challenges to good self-care? why do so many of us feel self-care is self-indulgent, self-regarding and all a bit unnecessary? if not, … Read more
You’ve considered the cost of counselling, picked a properly qualified therapist and even manged to find a suitable day. But unless you can overcome the mental barriers stopping you from getting therapy, you might stay stuck. Trapped in a loop of making and then cancelling appointments. Or selecting the counsellor you like the look of, … Read more
Self-esteem and neurodiversity is a hot topic at the moment. After many years of barely being mentioned, it now dominates social media, demands column inches and frequently features on the news agenda. Most of us know the deflating feeling of struggling with a subject at school, or of desperately trying to manage a difficult social … Read more
Forgiveness and self-esteem may seem to be only loosely linked. But dig deeper, or examine your own experiences, and you’ll know that holding a grudge brings up some hard feelings. There’s anger (a lot of it), righteous indignation, bitterness. And, beneath all that, there can be a stagnant sense of guilt or shame. Because, despite … Read more
When you hear the word low self-esteem, what do you imagine? Perhaps, a woman, round shouldered, stooped, hiding behind her hair. Everything about her demeanour suggests she wants to disappear. But there are just as many women who hide their low self-worth well. So well, they hide it even from themselves. And, unless you were … Read more
We’ve all heard the cliches it’s good to talk, or a problem shared is a problem halved. But how do you manage counselling when you find talking hard? And even if you’re confident chatting about the minutiae of everyday life, really opening up your emotions is different. It can expose you to a whole new … Read more
I was a little apprehensive as I opened Do Nourish, How to Eat for Resilience by Sarah Bayliss. Although I’ve long been interested in the intersect between optimum nutrition and mental health, I’m also quickly irritated by the sanctimonious attitude that some nutritional experts adopt. I’m exhausted by thoughtless talk about beach bodies, bone broth … Read more
We all know the colder months can be physically hard. Long nights, dark days, permanently hunched shoulders and a house that won’t stay warm. But managing your mental health in the winter months can be challenging too. And not just for those who suffer Seasonal Affective Disorder. Three months of grey skies and hard ground, … Read more
Over the past few decades we’ve done a lot of thinking. And most of us have changed our views on smacking children, smoking on top decks of buses and working from the office 5 days a week. And now it’s probably time to rethink divorce and separation. Once considered a massive personal failure, and a … Read more
Thinking of starting counselling as a way to see in the new year? Excellent. Hopefully your experience will be as fulfilling as mine. Because for me, I went from a brittle, highly strung version of myself, to a calmer one. And then, eventually, a qualified counsellor. I don’t know if your road will be similar … Read more
Directional Living by Megan Hellerer (pictured) did not exist when I was in my twenties. But had it, I’m confident I could have saved myself a lot of grief throughout a particularly dire decade. Because I too could have done with some support in getting unstuck, finding career fulfillment and discovering a life that was … Read more
Ever experienced life going along normally, nicely even, and then the next day, you’re spiraling into depression and low self-esteem? How did you get here, and is it possible to claw your way back before you reach rock bottom? The answer is yes. You might be plummeting now, but there’s still time to turn things … Read more
Talking about the ‘benefits’ of low self-esteem sounds a little confusing, and even counter intuitive. It’s hard to believe, as you watch your life pass by, that there are advantages to feeling like this. But there are. The fact remains, that low self-esteem comes replete with secondary gains. And it can be these little kickbacks, … Read more
Have you had a bleak year, beset with tough times, bereavement, separation? And now, as Santa packs his sleigh, you’re wondering how you’re going to survive Christmas after loss? If yuletide joy feels a reach too far, then please rest assured you’re not alone. There are many of us out there at the moment wishing … Read more
Not Just Mum is the book you need if you’re planning to launch your own business. But still intending to parent a small person too. Because the author Claire Antill, has done just that, and with great success. She’s a mother of three, marketing agency owner and expert in growing small businesses. And now she’s … Read more
The twin topics of depression and low self-esteem, give most people the shudders. Depression is bad enough alone. But so often it wants to pair up with another funky feeling and double its impact. Depression leaves us bleak inside, and then low self esteem tells us we don’t deserve to feel better. In fact, who … Read more
Research has found you can improve your self-esteem by speaking out. Getting comfortable with voicing your opinion, can have a range of wellbeing benefits – from more authentic relationships to lower blood pressure. But although it sounds simple, we all know fearlessly speaking your mind can be far from easy. Especially in a group, where … Read more
You’ve dug deep and decided to start counselling. Wonderful. But as the day draws near, you realise you have no idea about what therapy actually entails. What happens at your first counseling session? And is there a way to feel better prepared for it all? Well worry no more. I’m going to put your mind … Read more
Haunted by bad memories, spooked by ghosts from the past, screaming in terror at the mistakes of your younger self? Then fear no more. I’ve got the best tips to help you slay those demons, and give you the self-esteem you deserve. 1. Self compassion is your best fiend Self-compassion is simply treating yourself in … Read more
The Power of Closure by Gary McClain explores the very human craving for closure. The yearning for freedom and acceptance that only this elusive condition can bring. But then he flips it round and asks, is closure really all its cracked up to be? In fact is it even necessary? There was a time in … Read more
For the past 5 years, I’ve been specialising in women’s self-esteem. And as you might imagine, it’s really rewarding work. A surprising side effect though, is that as my wonderful clients grow, so too do I. It’s always enlightening on every level. So, to commemorate this anniversary, here are the top 5 things I’ve learnt … Read more
Singer, Paloma Faith, discusses self loss in her biography MILF, she writes, “I was a mother, carer, domestic goddess and completely self-sacrificing. I stopped reading, learning, being curious and felt I only existed to serve my small children.” Can you relate? Self-loss can happen quickly. Once the dust has settled, after any big life event, … Read more
Self-esteem is a term that’s bandied around so often, in magazines and social media. But actually, really understanding self-esteem can be more complex. So, I’ve put together these self-esteem FAQs. If there’s anything else you’d like to see just let me know. What exactly is self-esteem? The Cambridge Dictionary describes self esteem as: “Belief and … Read more
There are so many myths about therapy that I’m often surprised any clients make it on to my couch. Half-baked rumours about what to expect can be anxiety provoking, and deter people from getting the support they need. But September is infamous among counsellors for it’s upsurge in inquiries, especially from people who think they’d … Read more
September has a reputation for being the break up month. With dating app, Wingman recording a 34% increase in new users during this month. Personally, I believe there’s never a bad time to get good counselling. If you want it, feel you’d benefit, and can commit – then go for it. But, when it comes … Read more
Summers ended, September’s here, so it’s off the sun lounger for me, and back to some serious reading. And I’ve kicked off the academic year with a bit of existential therapy courtesy of It’s On Me by Dr Sara Kuburic. Kuburic is an existential therapist, and if you’ve not heard that term before it simply … Read more
I’ve just returned from a beautiful holiday, where I was mostly on the beach in my bikini. And while flaunting my curves, as the talented journalists at the Daily Mail call it, I got exactly zero compliments. Also, no appreciative glances and not a single double-take. I was no more noticeable on the beach then … Read more
If you’re going to flourish after a hard time – whether that’s divorce, bereavement, or simply making it through a difficult patch – you’re going to have to get good at self care. But what exactly is self-care? The beauty industry would have you believe it’s an expensive bath oil or luxury facial serum. But … Read more
Visualise your typical yoga lover, and what comes to mind? Do you conjure a white woman, wearing Lulemon leggings, hair expensively highlighted – possibly married to a man in finance? If so, you’re not alone. Yoga has been colonised. Ripped from its ancient Indian roots and repackaged, as the domain of slender blonde girls. But … Read more
You’re probably already familiar with pretty privilege. A catchy term that describes the benefits of being considered conventionally attractive. How people will want to get to know you, grant you favours, and even assume you’re a friendly, outgoing and honest person -simply because you’re good looking. After all, who can deny that prettiness has a … Read more
The weather is warm(ish), my son’s sports day is today, and this morning the birds woke me at 5am. Yes, summer is finally here! And so, unsurprisingly, the conversation turns to body confidence. And there’s such a lot written on the subject of body confidence. How to get it, strengthen it, maintain it. And yet, … Read more
As a way to pass the hours on a dull day, my son and I have seen many a mediocre children’s film. Ranging from the sweet, Lyle, Lyle Crocodile, to the quite boring, yet chaotic, Mummies. But Inside out 2 is in a different league. It speaks meaningfully to both adults and children. Opening up … Read more
Hands up who wants to improve their mental wellbeing? You’re in luck because, there are so many places to start. You could improve your sleep, see a counsellor or overhaul your diet. But there’s one important factor we consistently overlook in the wellness conversation – and that’s meaningful connection. I’m not sure why this one … Read more
How to Know a Person by David Brooks taps into the psychological theory, that the quality of our relationships has the biggest single impact on our life satisfaction. Forget money, worldwide recognition or achieving our goals. All these things pale in comparison to the massive impact meaningful connections with friends and family provide. In his … Read more
It’s been half term this week, so I headed off to Sweden for a few days with my family. And while researching royal palaces, child-friendly saunas and the best cinnamon buns, I discovered the Swedes have the highest divorce rate in Europe. And I don’t think it’s because they’re a disagreeable nation. I had a … Read more
Mental health and I have been happily entwined for most of my adult life. From volunteering at Samaritans aged 21, to becoming a counsellor in my thirties. Because I truly believe having someone to talk to can make a massive, almost immeasurable, difference to mental health. It’s a job I love. But I do not, … Read more
A recent study from York University has found that women who stop using social media, even for just one week, receive a significant self-esteem boost in return. It’s believed the compare and despair cycle, familiar to all who use social media apps, can send even the most robust self-esteem plummeting through the floor. Even if … Read more
Just before I became pregnant with my son, I stumbled upon this sobering study and was gifted a glimpse of the future. According to the University of Tilburg’s decade long research, it takes an average of three years for a women’s self esteem to return to baseline after giving birth. So, months after you’ve sorted … Read more
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